Loathings,

Angst, psychosis, and malcontents

*

Anger-o-motive

Locked in—-

a hundred miles an hour

down a cattle shoot path

Grab Hold—-

wearing razor wire armor

tearing hands reaching toward me

Night fall—-

the ashes of day fires

weigh down tired shoulders

carrying burdoning thoughts

*

Writer’ s Block

I Wish had something to write.

I’m thinking with all of my might.

When pen the paper hits the paper,

Thoughts vanish like vapor

The black hole is eating all light.
…

I wish I had a cause for fight.

A riot or rag to incite…

Something must be to blame…

Someone there to feel shame,

For my self-discontentment tonight.
…

I wish I could see what is right.

I’m observing with all my insight.

Commenting on paper,

Is most certainly safer,

Then pursuing what living invites!

*

*

*

hurricane brews.

a hurricane brews within my head.
thoughts, thrashing like waves against rock,
are of the living and the dead.

A thousand indecisions
drowned quietly in the waves,
just then a thunderbolt of urgency
unexplectedly invades.

S.O.S I am the admiral of
this ghost ship that’s sinking…
the water here is frigid
and I don’t trust my thinking.

A hurricane brews inside my head
my Ghost Ship is tossed and tumbled
I withdraw my rusted anchor
from the lonely seabed

I remember Elliot’s Wasteland
so baron… so dry…
I set my mast and sail away
to where the sea meets the sky

*

*

*

*

Brainfreeze Nibbana

So my friend and I sitting in the bookstore cofee shop, he with his Sporting News and half twist Latte, and I with my “intro to Zen meditation” and Iced mocha frappachino. I was imersed in my new manual sipping away on my icy cofeee when,all the sudden with a blinding flash my mind went blank with a searing sensation from from temple to temple.
I let out a gasp and said “what the …” when my friend leaned towards and “your fine Dude, you just acheived ENLIGHTMENT. Drink some more.”
True,My mind was still, replaced by the searing sensation, as I sipped more Ice cofee.
“Should Enlightenment HURT this much?” I yelped and my friend,” that just your mind resisting, do not deny your feelings, be in the being with you coffee. Drink some more.
Soon I lost all conciousness and I woke up on the bookstore cofee with a crowd around me. My friend stood up in the puzzled mob and said,
“Everything is OK. HE JUST ATTAINED BLISSFUL ENLIGHTENMENT”, then carried out of the store to his car.
As we drove away I said,” thanks dude its true, you can’t make the spiritual journey with out the help of others.”
My friend said,” that’s what friends are for, dude. By the way, I need you to be my wing man friday night at the bar.”*

clausterphobia

*

*

*

tonight i am a failure

tonight I am a failure.
I’ve convince myself if I keep my hand out stretched to others,
That sooner or later everone will have there hands stretched out
But if I look beyond my own limits I see alot of people with
hands clenched in a fist.
and soon or later I ask myself is it my hands
that are clenched in fists.
tonight my hands reach for surrender.
tommorow is a new day to reach out to…
imperfection is the most beautiful thing to reach for.

*

*

Dream awake for
what dreams can be
a blizzard of nothiness..

flames of desire hav arisen
in me like the first
sunrise in spring,
easter is the season of rebirth

*

*

*

Big chill, unsent letter

Dear *** ***,
You may not remember me today but we were class mates and football teamates in High school. I still remember you well, the smart responsible young teenager, college bound, school newspaper and year book editor, athlete, glee club, friend.

I was not in our hometown when it happened, I heard from a mutual friend. I was Speechless. Big Chill…
A couple nights later, your plite was on my mind and I franticly searched on my computer, through public information sites:

Appellate court for for Capital Punishment. Decision.
Broke down the front door of his estranged girlfriends House.
Shot with 9mm handgun 4 times killing the estranged fiance.
Then shot twice killing her (and Your) daughter.
Then called the police, and waited (for them to kill You).My mind wanders poetically, to afraid to venture into the dark world where your soul has soul has treckked. I know you were a good person some time ago. You may be a good person today. I know good people sometimes do bad, regrettable things. This is unchangeable.

What gale wind blows a ship so far off course.
You were worried about losing your daughter. You couldn’t live without your daughter.
You lived… she didn’t.
I’ve already felt pain for you .
now I will cry for daughter and her mother.You were an understanding guy, I’m sure you will understand my feelings.
Take care, old friend

*

*

*

Rabid Cycle

Shades drawn… lights dimmed

The Beast outside has been fed.

Fade deep into the Armchair…

Elegant burning within my head:

The flame upon a vigil candle

In a draft-less corridor.

Feeling and daylight make

Up a waxy fuel.

Night evanesces into day.

The hungry beast calls out,

Like the divine to Lazarus…

And feeds on Legion’s despair.

*

*

Apesma song

Hey intelligent ape!

flinging all your poo

this mischief that you create

just like monkeys do.

*

Hey imaginative ape!

stuck inside your zoo

plotting for an escape

from the cage built by you.

*

The world continues to spin

species come and they go

will Primate do himself in?

will your big brain ever know?

*

Hey, ridiculous Ape

look at what you have become

you are so obsessed with your fate.

you’ve forgotten where you came from!

*

*

Barometric Compression

(and other distortions of attitude on domestic violence)

Barometric Compression
Chicken little

Squeeze a cloud to tight

And it will blacken with rage

Crackle and spark

Bellow and bleed.

Hey Hennypenny

Run for your shelter

Alert the neighbors

Fall out, fall out.

Clench a fist to tight

And it redden with rage

Thunder and snap

Bruise and bleed.

Hey Hennypenny

Run from your shelter

The neighbors won’t answer

Fall out, fallout.

Crush the seed too tight

And he’ll wither with rage

“…A bang, but a whimper…”

Prickle and bleed.

Hey Hennypenny

Beware of the low

The consuming winds of peril

Stay out of the rain..

*

*

*

*

*

*

*Guilt and Bondage

(dedicated to the lost and survivors of the West Nickel Mine Tragedy)

Where are you God?

You have bound us together

Like a bundle of twig timber

Stored for a cold Day.

You have ask us to go forward

But we are bound back to our past

in Human Twine.

Twine wrapping around us

Pulling us together…

Then pulling us apart…

Apart from You,

Apart from each other,

Apart from ourselves.

Chord tied to tightly will cut and saw:

saw, smolder, & smoke.

The cold day comes.

Timber smolders.

Smoke rises above

Above a one room school house in the

rural Lancaster hills.

Ashes fall like snowflakes

and are sifted through like scorched sand.

Where are you, God?

I looked into the flames and I do not see you.

You are so free of human bondage

We cannot feel you anymore.

Are we so free from You that

You no longer feel us?

In the fertile hills of Lancaster

I can see the Tallest Trees

Growing so high that I cannot see where

They meet the Heavens…

Strong lumber entrenched to farm Earth,

Permeating to something

intangible and remarkable.

Acceptance, Compassion, humble greif

Tie this cluster to each other

And resist the tow of the blaze.

Is that where you are God?

Have we searched so hard for You

in the vacuum-like Fires that we’ve

tied us where you are not?

*

*

*

paris hilton poem

I’m in love with Paris Hilton,
May she bare me thirty children
Scooter Libby can go to hell,
There’s room for one in my hearts Jail.

Twinkle twinkle star so bright,
I hoist my idols in the night.
For in the morning they shall be
A pinyata dangling from a tree

Escaping life through TV screens,
The celebrity life I dare to dream.
And when my own life needs affirm.
I praise my hero’s “crash and burn”.

So let’s not talk of current events
Or how the day in Darfur went.
It really serves to cause me strife,
I’d rather dream the Simple Life

*

*

*

*

*

*

Stand up Stand down

Stand up stand down

The Beast inescapably looks his master in the eye,

Sees his will in reflection

Feels his hearts precious pounding.

Feels his masters whip cracking.

Feels his legs trembling.

Feels his wants tugging

Turn back to his cage

With submissive head bowed low

Back to the iron barred slave morality?

Or

Tear at the throat of his vapidity

Alpha scent senses tingling

Rebellion spit frothing

Thrust towards the unknown uncomfortable anew.

A seal is broken

No un-choosing what is chosen

No un-learning what is learned.

Discovery Burst forth from Melee

Pegasus leaped out of the slain Gorgon.

What propels us

To stand up or stand down

Is deep within

Waiting for circumstance

*

*

*

*

*

Along the creek where fish swim
backward, sits Elliots King fisher
back toward blazing land,
He awaits a maiden who with chalice
will quench his thirst
quench the lands thirst
sufficate all the fires in and around

*

*

*

Baby steps, chris,…

opening the front door
and stepping outside
to smell the morning air

this door has been shut
for such along time
i had forgotten the taste of dew.

walking outside
to check the mailbox
seeing the neigborhood kids play

this door has been shut
for such a long time
i had forgotten the taste of laughter

taking a stroll
with you my life-love
holding hands in the park

the door has been shut
for such a long time
i had forgotten the taste of your lips

laying in bed
alone in my room
staring back at the means

the door has been shut
its has always been shut
I have given up on tasting life.

*

*

bingo the clown-o thoughts

There will always be people who want to tell you
what you should do
what you should be
try to dissolve your individuality
louder and louder they will shout
end never tell you what they are about.

*

*

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